


I'm way to sober for this.

by bad_ash10



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-03-01 13:15:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13295640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bad_ash10/pseuds/bad_ash10
Summary: Philinda Secret Santa for @sapphire2994!! I hope you enjoy! The first part gave me a lot of trouble, but I hope it turned out ok!!Phil and Melinda are in Edinburgh for a mission. It goes south. Melinda gets hurt saving Phil. They end up in a bar. Read the story for the ending!And I'm so sorry it's almost late, but I have had internet issues all day, and finally think I have them fixed!!





	I'm way to sober for this.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sapphire2994](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphire2994/gifts).



“You guys ready? You gotta go dark before you go in. They’ll be on to you if you don’t.” Daisy’s voice announced in both their ears. “It’s a quick mission. Get in, get intel on the visiting dignitaries at the party, get out. Easy as pie. Or is it easy as cake?”

“Thanks for reminding us, Daisy. Going dark now,” Phil said, switching off his Comm before looking to Melinda with a smile. “It’s been a while since we’ve been in the field. I guess she’s worried about us.”

She made a face as she looked down at her costume. “Yeah, well at this point, I’d rather be the one back at base and have someone else be out here.”

“Oh, come on, Mel. You don’t think being in 17th century Scottish clothing works for us?” Phil was entirely too excited to be wearing his kilt.

Glancing at him, she thought about asking what he had on underneath it, but thought better of it. “No, Phil, wearing a corset is not my idea of fun. Plus, it’s too restrictive to do much good if I’m in a fight.”

Coulson just smirked as they walked toward the castle. “Well let’s hope we can just get what we need and be on our way.”

****

Things were going well. They were mingling at the party, maintaining their cover, and then she left for one moment for a bathroom break, only to return to find Phil missing. She couldn’t find him anywhere in the huge room they were in for the event, nor any of the smaller surrounding rooms where a few couples had gone for more privacy.

Just as she was starting to panic, she saw several men walking toward a large outer building she thought was once a stable. _Got him_.

She walked confidently around to the back of the stable and hoisted herself up to one of the windows, a task made unnecessarily difficult by the many layers of her dress. _Once I find him, I’m gonna kill him._

Looking down, she knew they had been discovered. Phil was bound to a chair and gagged with about ten men standing around him, one with a gun aimed directly for Phil’s forehead. They all seemed to be waiting for something. Or someone.

Before anyone else had an opportunity to join the group below her, she swiftly swung from the rafters, taking down one of the guards as she did. Twisting quickly, she knocked two more out before they realized what was happening. She threw punches and kicks in rapid succession taking down a few more guards, cursing the dress she was wearing the entire time. Suddenly a strong arm wrapped around her middle, pinning her arms to her sides. She squirmed briefly before feeling the gun press into her temple.

Phil’s eyes were wide as her captor turned them to face him.

A deep, gravelly voice spoke, “So, SHIELD thinks we would be so stupid as to not anticipate their arrival?”

Melinda rolled her eyes, and then looked to Coulson. He nodded nearly imperceptibly. May flipped her captor over her head and had him flat on his back and disarmed within a second. Before she even stood straight, she was knocked of her feet. Almost her whole left side had felt the impact, and she was still reeling from it when she was dragged to her feet. The same person who had knocked her off her feet was now holding her arms behind her, preventing her from moving. The large burly man with the gun walked over slowly before punching her in the gut forcefully, making it even harder to breathe.

“Do not ever think you can do that to ME!” He growled into her ear. “Kill them both. I don’t care how.” He shouted to his remaining crew.

Once he was out of the building, Phil and Melinda both sprung into action. She kicked backward, making her captor release her arms as he fell to his knees in agony. Phil tipped over his chair, which was thankfully old enough to break, and allow him to break free.

“May!” He tossed her a chair leg as he got to his feet.

She was doing well on her own having now taken down another of the guards. When the third came at her, she thrusted the leg of the chair as hard as possible into his abdomen. She didn’t think it had broken the skin, but at least it was enough to wind him.

Coulson took down two guards himself, leaving them with one more that was headed straight for Phil. As Coulson prepared to fight, he suddenly heard a gunshot.

Phil was looking a little taken aback. “Let’s go, Coulson. Move your ass!”

As they sprinted toward their car, Coulson shouted, “You couldn’t have pulled out a gun earlier?”

Sliding into the driver’s seat she yelled back. “Some jackass convinced me to wear all of this crap to fit in, so it was a bit difficult to get through all the layers to my thigh holster!”

Phil turned his Comm back on. “Daisy, we’ve been compromised. We’ll check in once we’re at the safehouse.”

****

They rode in silence until they arrived at the drop location for the car and changing quickly into their civvies.

“Can you help me with the corset?” He had seen the pained look on her face as she took off the top layers of her outfit, and rushed to help her.

As he carefully unlaced the bodice he spoke softly behind her. “I spoke to the big guy, somehow he knew I was SHIELD and the next thing I knew, I was being dragged to the barn.” He saw her stiffen at his words.

“You spoke directly to our target?” He could hear the implied insult. _What an idiot_.

She hurriedly stepped out of her remaining layers and pulled on her t-shirt and jacket, and he caught sight of the huge bruise below her rib cage, a wave of guilt washing over him as they walked toward the subway station.

****

Coulson knew she was furious. Being friends for nearly three decades had taught him how to interpret her silences. He held the pub door open for her, getting only an eye-roll in response. She had taken a beating because of him, but at least they had about 12 hours to relax before their extraction in the morning.

Out of habit, Coulson led her to a booth in the corner. “How many times do I have to apologize, May?”

She glared at him as she slid gingerly into her seat.

He sighed. “I’ll get us some drinks then.”

Coulson returned, a glass of Scotch in one hand and a pint of beer in the other. She raised her eyebrows in question.

“I figured this would help numb the pain a bit,” he said, sliding her the Scotch. “It’d be suspicious if we’re the only ones in a bar not drinking. You drink what you want. It’s on me.”

Melinda was still scowling at him.

“Consider it part of my apology. Relax, enjoy yourself.” Coulson figured she wouldn’t take him up on the offer, but he felt he had needed to make it anyway. He kept talking, apologizing profusely and hoping she would take pity on him and forgive him soon.

She studied him a moment longer, considering his proposal. “Fine. I’m way to sober for this anyway.” May picked up her glass and downed it in one gulp before picking up his beer and claiming it as her own as well.

****

They sat in the booth for quite a while, killing some time before they headed to the safehouse. It took three more drinks before she spoke to him again.

Despite the strong Scotch she had been downing, her voice was steady. “Phil?”

“Oh, you’re speaking to me again? I didn’t realize.” He tried to keep his tone light, knowing that it was his own fault for receiving the silent treatment.

“Don’t make me regret it,” she deadpanned, a slight sparkle in her eyes.

No one else would’ve likely caught the humor hiding behind her expression, but Coulson knew her too well to miss it. He grinned broadly at her, waiting for her to continue.

Melinda broke their eye contact, and started running her fingers over the empty glass in front of her on the table. The only time she ever fidgeted was when she was drinking. It was one of her few tells

Phil remained silent, not wanting to disturb her train of thought or pressure her to continue.

She slid forward slightly on her seat, and looked up at him again, fire in her eyes as she spoke this time. “You were an idiot.”

He deserved that. “I know.”

“You nearly got yourself killed.” She had a stern, angry look on her face.

“I know that, too,” he answered softly.

“I was worried about you, Phil. And I was pissed because you made me worry. Not because I got a little banged up.” Her demeanor had changed again. May was looking at him with an intensity he had never seen from her, and she sighed heavily before continuing. “I thought I might lose you.”

Her last sentence was nearly a whisper that he could barely decipher over the noise in the pub. Reaching out, Coulson gently grasped her hand, his thumb stroking hers softly. “You wouldn’t lose me. My partner is always there to save my ass when I screw up.”

“You died once already. It was enough to nearly kill me.”

He was caught off guard to say the least. “Melinda, I could say the same thing to you.”

As she was about to respond as her cell phone rang. She dropped his hand as she looked at the caller ID, a look of concern flashing across her face. “Daisy?”  
Phil sat silently watching and listening to May’s half of the conversation, which of course consisted of only one-word answers and responses. She finally hung up.

“Well?”

“She wanted to know why we haven’t done our final check-in for the night.”

He looked down at his watch. “We’ve been here for a couple of hours already. I guess we should head out before Daisy starts to worry even more."

****  
Once they made it out of the bar and into the night air, Phil convinced Melinda they should walk the few blocks to their safehouse. The frigid December air made them both shiver, despite the coats they were wearing.

They had gone about half a block when Melinda surprised him by sliding an arm around his waist. He immediately put his own arm around her and kissed the top of her head, unable to hide the smile spreading across his face.

Neither of them said anything, continuing the rest of the way to the safe house in silence, both afraid of ruining the moment.


End file.
